How mom and dad can help you find a job--and how they can't
Yes, parents want to help. But before they do more harm than good, make sure they follow these rules.
If you’ve got helicopter parents, chances are you won’t be navigating your first job search alone: Prepare for mom and dad to be all up in your grill.
In fact, a third of 18- to 24-year-olds said their parents were involved with their job search, according to a 2014 Adecco survey.
There are pros to getting help from mom and dad, of course. They’ve probably had jobs. They know people. But their desire to lend a hand could seem more like meddling than mentoring, at least to employers. In a recent OfficeTeam survey, more than a third of senior managers said they’d prefer it if parents butt out of their child's job hunt altogether.
The good news is that there are ways your parents can discreetly help you find your first job without hijacking your hunt. Follow these do’s and don’ts when getting an extra hand from mom and dad.
Don’t: Let your parents take over
Do: Set boundaries
To prevent mom and dad from commandeering your job search, you’ll need to set clear expectations up front by outlining what you want your parents to help you with, says Stephanie Waite, senior associate director at Yale’s Office of Career Strategy.
Be specific when framing your request. A good tactic: “These are my goals. These are the types of jobs that I’m interested in. I’d love your help in a few key areas.” Then, explain how they can help you.
Don’t: Let your parents contact employers on your behalf
Do: Have mom and dad proofread your correspondence
“You want your parents helping you behind the scenes,” says Jennifer McClure, president of leadership strategy firm Unbridled Talent LLC in Cincinnati. Your parents should not be making calls or sending emails to prospective employers, nor should they be writing your thank-you notes. Handle all direct communication with recruiters and hiring managers yourself.
Mom and dad can still provide some administrative support by proofreading your emails and thank-you notes for spelling and grammar mistakes.
Don’t: Let your parents write your resume
Do: Get an expert to weigh in
Unless mom or dad is a professional resume writer (in which case, lucky you!), you’ll want an expert’s advice on your resume. You can get a free assessment by uploading your resume to Monster—or have a professional completely overhaul your CV for a fee.
Your resume should be a blueprint that you can tailor to the specific job that you’re applying for, says Atlanta career coach Hallie Crawford. Even just making small changes to your resume, such as tweaking wording to mirror language in the job posting, will strengthen your application.
Don’t: Hesitate to tap your parents’ network
Do: Let mom and dad make professional introductions
There’s absolutely no shame in using your parents’ sphere of friends and industry contacts for your job search. Indeed, “job seekers should utilize whatever network they have at their disposal,” says Lydia Frank, vice president at Payscale.com.
However, “the goal is to set up informational interviews,” says Waite, “not ask your parents whether they know people who are hiring right now.”
Therefore, have mom or dad introduce you to their contacts via email, and then take initiative by setting up coffee dates with these people directly.
Don’t: Ask mom or dad to research prospective employers
Do: Let your parents help you rehearse for job interviews
Once you’ve made it to the interview stage, it’s your responsibility to do homework on the company, especially since research skills will benefit you in the future, says Waite. But there are ways your parents can help you with interview preparation. “Role play is always helpful,” says McClure.
Even if your parent doesn’t hire people for a living, he or she can ask you typical interview questions and offer feedback on your responses. Are you coming across confidently? How’s your posture? Do you sound passionate about the field? “Those pieces are intangibles, but they’re important,” says Crawford.
Don’t: Get help crafting responses to common interview questions
Do: Let your parents help you brainstorm questions
You need to learn to answer job interview questions that adequately represent who you are as an individual. Newsflash: Your parents can’t do this for you, as much as they think they know everything about you. Spend the time working out answers to common interview questions on your own.
On the flipside, you’ll want to take advantage of face-time with hiring managers by asking great questions. In addition to Monster's suggestions for questions to ask during an interview, “your parents can help you brainstorm questions that you might not have thought of,” says Waite.
Just remember: Mom and dad are there to help you find a job—not take over. After all, “employers want to hire you,” says Waite, “not your parents.”