A partner's job search is your job search, too

Amelia Shroyer moved to Berlin in 2012 to be with her then-boyfriend, Nic. She didn’t have a job or speak German. Nic worked full-time and made good money, but she found it hard to be unemployed. “I'm a pretty industrious and driven person, and it made me feel so useless,” she says. “I was looking for jobs every day, going to interviews and getting nowhere.”

Shroyer says her partner’s patience and support were a big help during this challenging period. “What Nic did for me was be patient, keep the pressure off and reassure me of my value and worth when I got discouraged. He celebrated every step of my progress, from a recruiter's first reply to a successful interview.”

Shroyer eventually got a full-time job and is now a social media strategist at House of Radon. She was able to return the support to Nic several months later when he quit his job to find a better one. The two are now married, she works full time and he’s a freelancer.

When your partner is looking for a new opportunity, it can be fun to consider the options and dream big dreams together. At the same time, if the job search takes a while or is the result of a layoff, you may find your enthusiasm flagging. But your support can help keep your partner focused and even make the wait easier for you.

Here’s how to keep your significant other on track.

Boost her confidence

You are your partner’s biggest cheerleader, so help her identify strengths and look for opportunities to succeed. The key is to stay focused on the positive. “Encourage the person to start keeping a list of everything that is working, going right or positive about the situation,” says Jim Donovan, career coach and author. Review the list and look for ways to expand on the actions that are producing the greatest results.

Help him stay on track, but don’t micromanage

Your partner should be accountable for researching companies and positions, sending out resumes and networking. You can help him do so, but don’t micromanage. “I was very supportive, but I tried not to get too involved in Nic’s job search unless he asked me,” says Shroyer. “He is a fiercely independent person, especially when it comes to work.”

To boost accountability, ask specific questions. Career coach Donna Shannon recommends asking something like, “How is your research going on company X?” rather than, “How was your job search today?” This shows that you are interested in her progress and paying attention to her search.

Don’t pile on chores

If your partner is currently unemployed, remember that her main focus is finding a job. While she may have more time during the day, don’t add new housework and chores to her to-do list.

A job search requires more than simply looking at job boards, Shannon says. Your partner may be researching individual companies, tracking down managers, attending networking groups or events, and following up on applications. It's not uncommon to assume that an unemployed job seeker has more spare time to take on additional tasks, such as watching children, tackling extra chores or making dinner, but both partners need to work together to balance job-related activities and keep the household running.

Look at the money

Financial and insurance coverage concerns certainly add to the stress of looking for a new job. Working together on a financial plan can help allay some of your partner’s financial fears, and it will probably make you feel better, too. Identify ways to save and determine the salary range your significant other should try to secure. Marilyn Santiesteban, assistant director of career services at the Bush School of Government and Public Service at Texas A&M University, recommends creating an interim budget together. Make sure your partner applies for unemployment benefits as soon as possible, if applicable, and look into health care options, such as switching to your insurance or getting coverage through COBRA.

Remember that unemployment may create new expenses for your partner, Santiesteban says. She may need a new interview outfit or two, or spend more on gas, tolls and parking as she works to build relationships. Account for these extra costs in your budget. Keep the receipts, as you may be able to deduct some of these expenses from your taxes if you itemize.