How to talk to your significant other about your job search

Searching for a new job can feel like a team sport. You bounce ideas off of your mentor, connect with your network, rally references for glowing testimonials and finally—but probably most importantly—you’ll lean on your significant other.

When you embark on a job search, your partner unofficially becomes your cheerleader, your manager, and your go-to for all things. You’ll likely inundate your loved one with your progress—and share all the anxieties of the process from “How does this cover letter sound?” to “Which of these interview outfits looks best?”

Relying on your loved one for support is par for the course throughout all of life, not just during a job search. But what you may not realize is that downloading your stress can cause your partner stress, too. That can be as unhealthy for your marriage as sharing work stress can be.

Here’s how to get the encouragement you need without driving your partner crazy in the process.

1. Set a time limit. Together determine a time of day that your partner will be most alert and interested in this conversation. Whether it’s in the morning, during dinner or right before bedtime, the objective should be to get and keep his or her undivided attention for a short amount of time.

Short is the operative word. Cap your conversation at 20 minutes—long enough for you to capture all of your thoughts in one sitting but not too long to put your partner to sleep..

2. Take notes throughout the day. The concentrated block of time noted above can be used to give updates you’ve collected throughout the day.

So instead of updating your partner with texts and emails in real time, compile all of your news and save it for your daily rap session.

3. Communicate what you want to achieve. Set up the conversation to make it easier for your loved one to respond in a positive, meaningful and supportive way by noting what it is you need most in the moment; often times, it’s to simply to listen.

If you don’t need advice, but your loved one is giving it to you, it will only take time away as the clock ticks. So you might say something like “I just need to vent right now. I really don’t need advice at the moment.”

4. Ask for help when you need it. That said, when you are seeking advice, ask specific questions. For example, if you’re looking to expand your network and tap into your partner’s, ask for an introduction as well as ideas for upcoming local events for you to attend.

Remember, your partner is not a mind reader. The clearer you get with questions, the more clarity you’ll have around answers and next steps.

Ask directed questions, such as, “What do you think about this organization’s event next month?” and, “Do you think it’s worth my time or are there others you suggest?”

5. Commit to your part of the agreement. If the situation was reversed and you were on the receiving end of your partners’ job search endeavors, you probably wouldn’t want him or her to keep harping on it. So once you’ve discussed the matter and your 20 minutes are up, respect your partner and let the topic go until your next session.

That way, you can go on to enjoy the rest of your time together.

Not getting the feedback you need? Find your next job on Monster.

Monster’s career expert Vicki Salemi has more than 15 years of experience in corporate recruiting and HR and is author of Big Career in the Big City. Follow her on Twitter: @vickisalemi