When it comes to using personal pronouns, you might not give them a second thought. Especially if you’re someone who identifies as a cisgender male or female, meaning your gender identity corresponds with the sex that you were identified with having at birth. But as we know, every individual’s gender identity is personal, and it may not always conform to others’ perceptions. Therefore, asking someone, “What are your pronouns?” is a step toward inclusivity and equality in and out of the workplace.
We’ve likely been conditioned our whole lives to make assumptions about people’s genders based on their names or appearances. Unfortunately, these beliefs can often act as barriers to a more inclusive society. There are many people who do not follow the traditional, binary concept of male or female and instead identify as genderfluid or genderqueer, for example.
Imagine how you would feel as a man constantly called “she” or a woman referred to as “him”. Then, you could understand what it’s like to be called something that doesn’t reflect who you are.
As we move toward a more equitable society and diverse workplaces, it’s essential to educate yourself about the power of personal pronouns so that everyone feels comfortable, respected, and accepted at work.
In this article, we explain why asking, “What are your pronouns?” is important in the workplace and how you can incorporate using the correct ones in your daily activities. We also give you examples of gender pronouns to help you communicate accurately and respectfully with one another.
What Are Pronouns and How are They Important in Gender Identity?
Pronouns are words used in language to refer to someone or something without using their name. Common examples include “he,” “she,” “they,” “it”. In gender identity, pronouns hold a significant role as they are closely tied to how people identify and wish to be recognized regarding their gender. Just as taking the time to correctly pronounce someone’s name is a sign of respect, asking for and then using their personal pronouns shows that their feelings matter to you.
Here are some reasons why personal pronouns are important in gender identity:
- Expression of identity. Pronouns allow individuals to express their gender identity. For many, especially in the transgender and non-binary communities, using pronouns that align with their gender identity is crucial for affirming who they are.
- Respect and acknowledgment. When someone’s preferred pronouns are used, it shows respect and acknowledgment of their identity. This is particularly important in both social and work contexts, as it fosters an environment of acceptance and inclusivity.
- Visibility and awareness. The discussion and sharing of pronouns, especially in public spaces like workplaces or educational institutions, raises awareness about the diversity of gender identities. It helps in normalizing the conversation about gender beyond the binary framework.
- Avoiding assumptions. Using the correct pronouns for each individual helps prevent assumptions about gender based on appearance or names, which can be inaccurate and exclusionary. This practice encourages a more open and inclusive approach to understanding gender.
- Psychological impact. For many people, being addressed by the correct pronouns is affirming and contributes to a sense of validation and well-being. Conversely, suppose you don’t use someone’s preferred pronouns, meaning you address them with an inappropriate or thoughtless one. In that case, it can be hurtful and invalidating.
Examples of Gender Pronouns
Most people know that she/her and he/him refer to female and male, respectively, but there are some gender pronouns that those with other gender identities may prefer to use. Some of them include:
They/Them
While you might have been taught in grammar lessons that they/them are plural nouns, they can also be used as singular, third-person gender pronouns – meaning they/them can refer to an individual. Usually, they/them is a preferred pronoun for a person who identifies as non-binary (neither male nor female). It would look something like this:
- “Sam is a teacher. They are passionate about their job.”
Ze/Hir
Another pronoun option that some people use is ze/hir. “Ze” is typically pronounced like “zee” and replaces “he” or “she,” and “hir” (pronounced like “here”) replaces “him” or “her.” As you can see, these do not refer to a specific gender, and can therefore be more inclusive. For example:
- “Jesse is our new intern. Ze comes to us from City College. Let’s all welcome hir.”
Ey/Em
Another set of gender-neutral pronouns, where “ey” is used in place of “he/she,” and “em” replaces “him/her. For instance:
- “Could someone ask Jordan if ey can join our meeting this afternoon? Eymight have valuable feedback, and it’s important to hear em’s.“
How to Incorporate Personal Pronouns into the Workplace
Whether you’re a new employee or someone who supervises others, no matter which personal pronoun you use, you can promote correct pronoun usage for all in your workplace. The best way to start is to ask yourself, “What are my pronouns?” Then you can share them when meeting new people. For example, you could say:
- “Hello. My name is Jim, and I go by the pronouns he/him. What’s your name?”
This is less direct than outright asking, “What are your pronouns?” and helps give others the comfort level to share their preferences.
Of course, you should also be prepared to share why you’re doing this with someone who has never been asked to share their gender pronouns before. Even better is getting your company on board to help educate employees as part of its gender inclusivity initiatives.
Here are some ideas to consider:
- If you’re hosting a client meeting or attending an event outside of the office, get in the habit of writing your gender pronouns in the corner of your name tag.
- In your email signature, put your pronouns below your name.
- When making introductions, invite everyone to share their name and pronouns by asking politely “What are your pronouns?”
- Try to get in the habit of using other nonbinary, gender-neutral language, as well. For example, instead of “men and women” or “ladies and gentlemen,” try “friends, guests, and colleagues.”
What to Do When You Accidentally Use the Wrong Pronoun
Asking for people’s pronouns and using something other than he/she is a relatively new concept to many people. And in some cases, people’s preferred gender pronouns may change over time. Therefore, it’s only natural that not everyone will always get it right – even those who are hyper-aware.
The key is to acknowledge when you make a faux pas and show a more concerted effort to get it right in the future. If you ask someone “What are your pronouns?” and then accidentally use the wrong pronoun, the best thing to do is keep it simple and apologize. For example:
- “I’m so sorry, Taryn. I meant to say ‘they’ not ‘she.’”
Try not to go on and on about it since that can make the person feel even more uncomfortable.
If you realize it after the fact, you could take the person aside and offer a quick, private apology. Something like:
- “Someone pointed out that I didn’t use your correct pronouns earlier. Please accept my apology.”
Likewise, if you happen to hear another colleague use the wrong pronoun for someone, you can offer them a gentle reminder on the spot. Such as:
- “Bill, I just want to remind you that Max goes by they/them.’”
Find a Job in an Inclusive Workplace
Find a more diverse and inclusive work environment where asking “What are your pronouns” is second nature. Start by signing up for a free profile on Monster and searching for your next job. Connect with top recruiters by uploading your resume. We also send job alerts to help you find an employer that aligns with your goals and values.
