How to Handle Crying at Work

You're at work when you feel the tears coming. You take yourself and your career seriously and want others to as well, so you hold back the tears and inwardly scold yourself for your "weakness." Crying at work is not allowed, so it must be wrong.

Well, if that's the case, then there's a lot of "wrong" going on. In a study by Ginger, an on-demand behavioral health system, 48% of people have cried at work.

But what if sealing up your tears wasn't the end of the story? What if you could treat them like any other physical symptom? What if instead of suppressing the tears, you learned how to read them?

Why We Cry

Crying is a release of emotion, and the reasons we cry are as varied as the emotions behind them, including happiness, sadness, anger, joy, relief, and confusion. Even feeling connected can cause tears. People often cry when they hear someone say something that resonates very deeply within them.

If crying is an emotional release, exploration is a continuation of that release. You can choose to stifle your tears to live up to the widely held belief that crying in the workplace is taboo and you must learn to control your emotions on the job. You could finish out the crying and then return to the work unchanged. Or you could choose to view your tears as an opportunity to explore something powerful inside of you that may need to be understood and addressed.

Crying at Work: Behind the Tears

Because we've been told emotion should not be expressed in the workplace, crying at work is often confusing and upsetting. Even if we know how to work through our emotions at home, we may not be adept at examining our feelings on the job. If your crying bothers you, try exploring the episode using the following techniques and questions:

1. Let the Storm Pass: Finish out the crying in a way that's appropriate to the particular nature of your workplace. Wait until later in the day, after you've regained your center naturally, to analyze your crying.

2. Rerun the Situation: Look at your crying as if you were analyzing a crime scene. Take time to look into what really happened before you add emotion to the picture. Who was there? Who said what? What happened?

3. Identify the Related Emotions: Did you feel sadness? Anger? Frustration? Confusion?

4. Name the Trigger: What set off the crying? See if you can connect the crying with something in the moment. For example, did someone sideline your work? Did they take credit for something unduly? Remind you of a past failure? Make you think about what you'd rather be doing? If there was no trigger, ask yourself if the crying has been ongoing for weeks. If so, consider seeing a counselor to determine if you are experiencing depression.

5. Ask Yourself What Gave the Situation Teeth: Although some people cry more easily than others, it is always a sign of powerful emotions. What was so difficult about the situation that it caused tears?

6. Ask Yourself If Your Reaction Matched the Situation: If you receive a pink slip and cry, that's understandable. If you present an idea that's met with reasonable and unabusive disagreement, crying is not warranted and may signal hidden origins.

7. Dig Further: If you still feel like you don't have a handle on what caused the crying or what you were feeling, journaling or talking through the situation with a good friend may help you discover it.

8. Set a Course of Action: Once you understand the situation, start on a plan to make your life better. Taking steps toward improving the situation is empowering and will ultimately lead you to a more peaceful, powerful place. Even if the problem turns out to be major, you could develop a five-year plan, incorporating counseling, training, job changes, and life changes.

Find a New Job in a Better Environment

If you're crying at work more often than you feel is appropriate—and for reasons that revolve around your unhappiness—it might be time to find a new job. Want some help getting started? Make a free profile on Monster. We can hook you up with recruiters, send you job recommendations, and support you with career advice and job-search tips.