When a workplace rivalry becomes war – CGP

In Monster’s most recent survey on workplace rivalries, we asked respondents to share specific stories about having a rival on the job.

We saw “rivalries” as equal competition between two people, for the next promotion or for better assignments. Many of the stories we got back had little to do with healthy competition at work.

What you told us were stories about workplaces and colleagues that were anything but collegial. In many cases, rivalry intensified all the way to bullying.

So it’s somewhat surprising that only 20 percent of those who answered the poll on Monster.com said they left a job because of a workplace rival. And only 26 percent said they’d thought about leaving.

What happens when it gets very difficult? The Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI) published a study in February that showed 27 percent of Americans have faced workplace bullying. Another 72 percent of respondents to the WBI survey said they knew workplace bullying was happening.

WBI Director Gary Namie said the results of Monster’s survey seemed fascinating on the surface, but a closer look showed a hard reality at work for many people who have faced bullying.

“It’s probably indicative of how nervous and anxious people are in the contemporary workplace,” he says. “They don’t know how long it’s going to last.”

WBI defines workplace bullying as “repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is either threatening, humiliating or intimidating, ‘work interference’ — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done, or verbal abuse.”

Monster Executive Vice President and Chief Administrative Officer Lise Poulos says a company’s human resources team handles a bullying claim with care.

“Companies strive to provide their teams with a safe and collaborative environment,” Poulos says. “When a case of bullying is identified and an employee feels uncomfortable and does not want to come to work, we must investigate quickly and objectively. Based on the severity of the situation, a resolution can range from coaching to termination.”

The issue is often unclear but usually takes this form: An employee who is bullied feels they have nowhere to turn because they fear backlash — the bullying getting worse — or putting their career at risk.

“It’s about the F-word: fear,” Namie says.

Learn when bullying becomes a legal issue at work.

And it’s not that the people in this survey misunderstood our question about workplace rivalries. It’s that bullying is sometimes carried out by peers at work.

One respondent to Monster’s request, William, sent in a clear story about how a co-worker seemed to be their rival after taking their ideas at an internal presentation.

At the end of his story, the respondent hits on an important point: He left to find another job.

Granted, our poll asked if anyone had left because of a rival, not a bully, but given the stories we received from our related survey, was a rivalry sometimes just bullying in disguise?

And if so — no matter what you call it — finding another job may often be a needed step.

Another respondent, Carl, did just that. He told a story about being undercut by a new manager who, as Carl tells it, was firmly aligned with their boss. Carl describes the situation as one in which he was pushed out, but he did eventually leave the company.

“I have learned that if you are unhappy, make changes ASAP or it will take over your life,” he said in an email. “So yes, I am happy.”

And some, despite severe micromanagement and negative feedback, leaned on the support of co-workers.

Chelsea worked for a law firm after college. They wrote about being bullied so badly by a manager that they felt deeply dehumanized.

“She went so far as to tell others in the office that I was incompetent and that I couldn’t do anything right.”

At the same time, a different boss praised their work. Despite the mental pain Chelsea felt from one boss, they knew something was wrong because of what the other said.

Chelsea does not say much more than that, but they did mention they later left for a better job. They even came away with a hopeful outlook after the awful situation.

“It was a good learning experience for me, but were it not for a few co-workers at that firm being supportive and telling me to ignore that overly competitive woman, I would have been much more miserable and would have left sooner.”

It’s hard to draw a lesson from the stories we were told in response to the survey. But the closest we can come is this: we choose to enter nearly all work on our own. And while our paychecks and benefits are very important, and in some ways central to our lives, we can leave to find another, hopefully better, job at any time.

“It’s a healthy thing to do,” says Namie, the WBI director. “You may begin to believe you’ll never have another job, but that’s not true. If [bullying] is harming you then you’ve got to move on.”